


50 Shades of Baby Pool (Aka Lin Needs Baby Pools)

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, I made this super NSFW holy shit, Inanimate Object Porn, Other, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Why Did I Write This?, sorta porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 12:39:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6658057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When two fiery souls meet, what will become of their intense love? Will Baby Pool-senpai ever notice Lin? What am I doing with my life? (I blame YamHaylet/Lizardsinner on Tumblr/Insta for this)</p>
            </blockquote>





	50 Shades of Baby Pool (Aka Lin Needs Baby Pools)

**Author's Note:**

> this is a joke that i love so dearly and it has no fanfiction so here

Lin-Manuel Miranda was at the beach on Long Island, hanging out with the other members of the Hamilton cast like he usually did. He was just drinking some beer with his ol' buddy-o-pal Johnathan Groff, when suddenly his jaw dropped. He was looking at the most beautiful man in his whole life. He was thin (Shallow), tall (long), and his blue skin (plastic) gleamed in the summer sun. It took all of Lin's willpower not to drop on his needs from the man's stunningly good looks. "Whose that, hubba hubba over there Groff?" He said, his voice betraying him, showing how clearly swooned he was.

Johnathan looked Lin seriously in the eye "You can't have them, Lin." 

Lin put his hands on his hips, accepting this reply as a challenge "And what makes you say I can't?

"Lin that's a fucking baby pool, you asswipe."

"Don't say that about him, Baby Pool-senpai is more than just a baby pool, he's a complicated interesting tortured soul. And I will have him as mine!" And with that, Lin stormed off to the currently empty pool, as the mother had taken her child out of it. Lin kneeled down to the pool "Hey babe, ur hot ;;;))))" he flirted with it, but the pool did not reply. You see it's a pool, it can't talk. Lin pressed on "Playing hard to get, I like that. You wanna go some where a little more private." He looked up at the child and mother with scornful eyes

The kid who owned the pool looked to his mum "Mommy, why is that man talking to the pool?"

She covered his eyes and ushered him away "These are the people mommy warned you about sweety. Let's just leave." And with that, they were off.

Lin yelled after them "YOU JUST CAN'T HANDLE OUR LOVE IT'S TOO PURE AND INTENSE FOR YOU TO EVER UNDERSTAND! YOU DON'T KNOW THE KIND OF MAN HE IS ANYWAYS." Lin then proceeded to hug the pool, he couldn't pick it up though because it was filled to the brim with water.

As he screamed at the lady, she ran faster. Everyone in the proximity was looking at Lin like he was mentally unstable. Lin felt judged and began to cry "Don't judge me, I'll show you just how much I love him." And with that Lin began removing his shirt and swimming trunks.

Many screamed in horror and one person yelled "LIN NEEDS THEM BABY POOLS (Which was probably me btw)!!!!" 

 

To which someone else exclaimed "YOU'RE JUST FEEDING THE FLAME" 

Lin replied "YES! THE FLAMES OF OUR SEXY LOVE ;;;;;;;;))))))))"

He sank into the clear cool embrace of Baby Pool's tender arms, errr waves. And felt the water brush against his inner, er outer, goddess (I'm pulling a 50 shades of grey, kill me). "AH YES BABY POOL SENPAI KUN~ TOUCH ME RIGHT THERE! AAAAHHH MY MANHOOD IS YOURS TO ENULF." He shouted in the throes of passion

Daveed Diggs, currently off somewhere vaping on a flower, talkin about his animes like a weeb fucker turned as he heard Lin's screams . "Lmao, is Lin high?"

Lin hadn't stopped at all "AaaaAAAAAaaahh~ #2kinky4me, I'm ur Lin-Manuel Miranda-flavoured popsicle BABY POOL (I'm so sorry h OLY SHIT)"

Lin was going to shout more horrendous bullshit, probably becoming a meme made by some dumb fandom that had a fetish for him and baby pools, not that anyone was pointing fingers.

But before he could, he was pulled out by a Daveed Diggs, who had stopped pulling a Jefferson, and had somehow sobered up, IDK. "Ham what in the ding dong doodly great googly moogly are you doing?"

Lin just replied with a firm "Lin needs them baby pools."

Daveed grabbed him by the shoulders "Look at yourself man, look at yourself. You're fucking a plastic water container meant for little children while quoting 50 shades of grey. There's a special place in hell for people who think of doing that kind of stuff. Ur better than that."

"No I'm not."

"Ya ur right, but can you still like chill fam."

"But Baby Pool Senpai loves me <333"

Daveed rolled his eyes, "Dude stop being such a fukin weeb and that is coming from me." 

"333"

"R u fukin kiddin me rn bitch, Lan Manuel Mirbitch ass, Imma fukin end u, but first imma end dis dam baby pool"

"NO!"

"How about I do anyway?" And with that, Daveed pulled out a box cutter from god knows where (Probably his ass) and stabbed the pool, deflating it. 

Ham screamed "Bby NO!"

Daveed laughed maniacally "Splash splash mother fucker"

Lin sobbed "I can't go on without Baby Pool Daddy Senpai"

Johnathan Groff, who was in the distance watching this all go down called out "R U FUKIN KIDDING ME LIN U PLASTIC OBSESSED HOE"

Lin payed no mind, and grabbed the box cutter from Daveed and stabbed himself in the spleen, literally killing himself in the slowest most inefficeint way possible

"w OW U Can't even die right lmao" Daveed remarked, 

Johnathan agreed "get your dum dum mother fukin ass off this planet Juliet ass bitch"

And Lin did, he coughed up blood, spouted more nonsense about Baby Pool and how he needed them, and then died.

Daveed then proceeded to get high again.

And that's the story about how Lin became a slut for pools and then died, how Daveed got high twice and was a weeb (and probably died somehow on weeb oversdose even thoguh that impossible he'd find a way), and why Johnathan quit Hamilton.

 

THE END! (Kill me)


End file.
